Day Eighty-One- Back From the Dead

Today was my day of getting back to the gym when the plague ran rampade through our home this past weekend. And I tell you what, it felt great to get back to it.

I had my arm in a sling all day & everyone had asked what had happened. Most people I told that it was from an injury about 3 weeks ago that I didn't let heal properly, then some I said my husband was out of line, so I had to drop an elbow to keep him straight!!! (You understand me ladies when our man don't listen- we have to put them back in their place! hee hee)

When I got to the gym for my workout session with Renee, I was ready for what was in store. What I wasn't ready for was the emotional floodgates to open up. So we started with the recumbent bike, since per my Chiropractor/husband, I couldn't put pressure on my shoulder. I thought, "Hey, I can do 10 minutes, no problem. Especially leaning back." But did I get to? NOPE!!!!! Renee was going to take advantage that I was going to workout my lower body.

There she was, standing with her fingers ready to attack the control panel & she had me pumping those pedals. A couple times, I was afraid that I was going to knock that bike right off it's legs. She had me do 20 minutes with 2 sets of hill intervals (something that I haven't done- kind of chicken) and my quads were starting to cramp, my knees wanted to give out & Renee standing over me telling to get my speed up to 80 or she was going to add another minute. All at the same time trying not to grab that bike for dear life & jam out my shoulder. I thought I was going to die!!! She kept telling me to envision where I wanted to go with this transformation. And you know what, I could see it, but I was emotionally feeling like it was beyond my reach! That was when I started to feel the emotions sitting on my chest!

Then after that torture was over (Renee, if you are reading this- "Just kidding!! ;-) ), she had me in the aerobics room for more lower body exercise. Now, if you read my Body Pump post, you know that rooms with mirrors are not my friend. Well guess what, this room, no matter where you stood, you were either standing smack dab in front of a mirror or in front of a window that anyone walking/driving by could get a clear shot of what you are doing & what you look like. There were mirrors everywhere!!!!

She had me working on a stability ball & one of the steps that you see in those aerobics class. The whole time, telling me to look at myself in the mirror. And I couldn't do it! I couldn't look at the 10 years of sleeves of Oreos, or that chocolate cake, or the months of lack of exercise made. I couldn't do it! That was when all of the emotions started coming out!! She stopped me and was telling me, "Okay, you had your moment, but the thing was, you stopped yourself. In the past, would you eat more than a sleeve?" And I had to really answer that question. You know what, I would eat more than one sleeve. The more we talked, the more I realized that I have made the changes that I have been making. And even though I had my little bumps in the roads, I haven't let that stop me. I haven't said, "Well hell......Since I ate that I might as well throw this whole thing out!" I got up the next day & worked those junk food demons out!!

After my workout, I was a little mopey about my bad food choices, and getting emotional during my workout. But as the day went on, I was feeling more and more like, you know what, who cares? Renee says, that the reason why we have those emotions and we have those cry moments is because we are trying to replace those emotions within ourselves with something else and we have to get them out to make room. And thinking more about it, the reason why I ate those sleeves of Oreos, or not exercised was because I grew up with people telling me that I was fat, I wasn't beautiful, I wasn't going to be loved, and I wasn't going to have a family.

But you know what, I am 30 years old & I have a husband that loves me & we have been married for going on 10 years this year, I have 3 beautiful children. A lot of people would mask their pain with smoking, drinking, doing drugs, and overeating. And I have knocked out all of them. The one thing Renee told me about that, is people can quit smoking, drinking & doing drugs, but eating they have to do to survive. And I know now, that the one thing that I need to work on is no eating to mask the pain, but just eating when I need to eat for a meal, not for an emotion.

Here is my food journal entry for today:

Breakfast- 10:00 am
Special K cereal
Milk

Lunch- 12:15 pm
Fresca salad w/ grilled salmon
Water w/ lemon

Snack- 4:45 pm
3 bites of son's grilled cheese sandwich
Water

Dinner- 8:25 pm
House Salad w/ Thousand Island Dressing (Iceberg lettuce, tomatoes, croutons, cucumbers, cheese, bacon)
2 individual ribs (they were awful- had to scrape off the excessive barbecue sauce)
Vegetable Medley
Water (5)

Tomorrow is cardio, and I hoping this weather isn't going to be terrible. We are suppose to get freezing rain with a mix of snow all night & into tomorrow, so we will see if I am going to make it to the YMCA. If not, will cardio it up via Internet! Talk to everyone tomorrow!!